By chance Bernice watches the movie Misery and is depressed that she may be too much like Annie (Kathy Bates) for comfort. Yael joins the Kalvari’s to talk about her genitalia and Bernice joins in the fun to share her various gynaecologist’s diagnoses.
Deep Fried Man (aka Daniel Friedman) joins the Kalvaris to talk about being an obnoxious chubby prepubescent getting off on being stroked by his schoolgirl friends, and sings about his Lithuanian Jewish roots how hard it is to be the only nice person in Boko Haram.
Sello and Bernice are enjoying a period of rapprochement and toenadering, since their ‘racial’ incident at work. How did the Kalvaris interpret ‘free food’ items on the Weigh Less diet?
XXXL Damon needs to stop stretching the elastic on his small XL underwear.
Oz joins Damon and Bernice to discuss his challenges with lobola and teach the mlungus a bit about hip hop. Then Damon rediscovers his hip hop roots and sings to his ‘bitch’ Bernice. Why does Bernice tear down signage which irritates her?
Damon’s mother visits for spaghetti bolognaise the day before her 85th birthday and they discuss the current family feud. Seems like she has seen the light! Oy vey. Bernice is worried this discussion is going to start the feud up again.
Bernice is still smoking, and she shares her psychotic sleepwalking symptoms, which includes running around the bedroom screaming.
Damon is devastated that Bernice has taken up smoking over the past two weeks, she claims this bad habit was re-ignited by him eating her stash of pistachio nuts. It has not abated since her mother’s visit to Johannesburg. After his stint emceeing Sexpo Damon boasts a strange sex stories but seems to have improved his technique, in braaing meat.
Why did an incinerated potato in the microwave cause Bernice to have a meltdown? Damon discusses how IBS is ruining Bernice’s life. Bernice remembers attending family therapy in her twenties. Bernice encourages Damon to improve his sexual technique while he is emcee’ing SA Sexpo.
Who is the disgruntled ‘who gives a f*ck about Rosh Hashana’ rabbi who has gone viral? Our friend Yael admits to visualising couples having sex when she meets them for the first time. Why have the Kalvaris dumped Damon and Bernice for the high holidays?
Our ex-housemate Sello, a rural turned urban umfana (boy) from Limpopo, joins us.
He’s finding it difficult to understand Evolution in the context of the bible.
Can you believe his father loved Apartheid and was nicknamed “Terreblanche”?
Damon’s family still aren’t happy with him after hearing Bernice mimicking his sister’s voice. They have been asked to refrain from discussing the family but this is proving difficult for Damon as you will hear …
Damon’s sister is furious after last week’s episode and she left Bernice a voice message that Damon cannot get enough of. Damon threw his car under a truck and found out that tow truck drivers have spotters on every corner. Bernice takes a big bite out of fat people and why they allow themselves to get that way. The Kalvaris are expecting Damon’s angry sister to lay a charge against Bernice for, um …., for …. making funny voices.
Bernice is horrified that Damon wears crotchless pyjamas. Damon is a couple of years behind with his tax returns and Naomi finally has a working telephone line again after some intervention from Jacqui O’Sullivan (Telkom communications director) What happened with Mika Kalvari who went into premature labour. Damon is the emcee of this year’s Sexpo and Bernice wants to hire big-breasted girls to sell their fragrances at Sexpo.
Damon is very excited with the new podcast after last week’s episode. They discuss the concept of new adapters. The Kalvaris were never new adapters but here they are in the 21st century sharing their lives through podcasting. What happened when Damon shared a bedroom with his two brothers? He explains how he was a “Ninja masturbator”.
Damon and Bernice are back. Damon recently made a shock exit from CliffCentral and explains from his perspective why he made the decision to move on. Naomi Kalvari is having landline phone problems but has made progress in learning how to use her cellphone.