We are drawn into a robust debate on the etiquette of a gay hook-up, penta-headers and redtube.com. Also on the menu is Bernice’s chocolate-making mania, Yael sandwiched between two Scots and how Damon is an E-student at cleaning house.
Democratic Alliance Member of Parliament – the (dis?)Honourable Shadow Deputy Minister for Sport, Darren Bergman, takes a break from parliamentary rugby and joins the Kalvaris to talk about Penny Sparrow, politics, poo and a three-state solution for Israel.
As the end of year draws near, Damon and Bernice commiserate on the effect of electric cuts, new faribels, old faribels and Bernice not meeting Damon’s expectations of being a good sidekick on his radio report card.
Since Philip’s departure the Kalvaris have an opportunity to relax a bit and communicate as a couple. They commiserate over Philip leaving Bernice high and dry at the till, their misadventures in skinny dipping and why their friend Laurence chastised Bernice for not warning him to not be a racist.
The Kalvaris talk Scientology with the previous spokesman for the Church of Scientology, turned author, blogger and speaker. Ryan Hogarth shares his journey in Scientology which resulted in him being shunned by the church, his family and friends.
Philip the Spanish vet joins the Kalvaris to discuss horse teeth, fistulas and how he used to follow a previously beautiful Bernice around in Montreal in the 1990’s. Bernice’s friend gets grumpy over a Shabbat dinner when Philip tells her she is a hamster on a hamster wheel.
Bernice turns 42 and has been bawling her eyes out all day. Damon and her friend Tamara try cheer her up. Turns out that Tamara believes that the missing Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 has been spotted in Soweto. 134kg Damon manages to complete the 94.7 Cycle Challenge on his 12kg bicycle.
By chance Bernice watches the movie Misery and is depressed that she may be too much like Annie (Kathy Bates) for comfort. Yael joins the Kalvari’s to talk about her genitalia and Bernice joins in the fun to share her various gynaecologist’s diagnoses.
Deep Fried Man (aka Daniel Friedman) joins the Kalvaris to talk about being an obnoxious chubby prepubescent getting off on being stroked by his schoolgirl friends, and sings about his Lithuanian Jewish roots how hard it is to be the only nice person in Boko Haram.
Sello and Bernice are enjoying a period of rapprochement and toenadering, since their ‘racial’ incident at work. How did the Kalvaris interpret ‘free food’ items on the Weigh Less diet?
XXXL Damon needs to stop stretching the elastic on his small XL underwear.
Oz joins Damon and Bernice to discuss his challenges with lobola and teach the mlungus a bit about hip hop. Then Damon rediscovers his hip hop roots and sings to his ‘bitch’ Bernice. Why does Bernice tear down signage which irritates her?
Damon’s mother visits for spaghetti bolognaise the day before her 85th birthday and they discuss the current family feud. Seems like she has seen the light! Oy vey. Bernice is worried this discussion is going to start the feud up again.
Bernice is still smoking, and she shares her psychotic sleepwalking symptoms, which includes running around the bedroom screaming.
Damon is devastated that Bernice has taken up smoking over the past two weeks, she claims this bad habit was re-ignited by him eating her stash of pistachio nuts. It has not abated since her mother’s visit to Johannesburg. After his stint emceeing Sexpo Damon boasts a strange sex stories but seems to have improved his technique, in braaing meat.
Why did an incinerated potato in the microwave cause Bernice to have a meltdown? Damon discusses how IBS is ruining Bernice’s life. Bernice remembers attending family therapy in her twenties. Bernice encourages Damon to improve his sexual technique while he is emcee’ing SA Sexpo.
Who is the disgruntled ‘who gives a f*ck about Rosh Hashana’ rabbi who has gone viral? Our friend Yael admits to visualising couples having sex when she meets them for the first time. Why have the Kalvaris dumped Damon and Bernice for the high holidays?
Our ex-housemate Sello, a rural turned urban umfana (boy) from Limpopo, joins us.
He’s finding it difficult to understand Evolution in the context of the bible.
Can you believe his father loved Apartheid and was nicknamed “Terreblanche”?
Damon’s family still aren’t happy with him after hearing Bernice mimicking his sister’s voice. They have been asked to refrain from discussing the family but this is proving difficult for Damon as you will hear …