18 October 2015
Dear good people of my contact list,
I’m writing to tell you about my podcast reality radio show, which is very much the same as my old show on CliffCentral, except it’s just not on CliffCentral.
After many years of being the punch-bag sidekick to Gareth Cliff I have ventured out on my own. What that means is that my domineering wife Bernice (who joins me on the show) is forcing me into maturity and making me take more responsibility. By day I manufacture fragrance but by night, and on weekends, I am still the fat radioman.
Back at CliffCentral, I hosted a successful radio show called ‘Keeping Up With The Kalvaris’. At that point the show aired with me, Bernice and our third wheel, the boisterous Lorraine. It ended in a big explosion when Lorraine and Bernice had a massive on-air fight, I was stalked by a radio-crazy-fan who hated Bernice and I had to choose between all three. Bernice who has a ‘normal’ job couldn’t come into the studio anymore, so the show got canned for the sake of everybody’s emotional and mental health.
Now that I am flying solo, by the seat of my (XXXL) pants, I can more effectively put a tight lid on my hard-to-control wife. The show is back in public domain as an independent broadcast and is available through download from my website www.damonkalvari.co.za. For ease you can also follow me on Facebook or twitter to activate the podcast links.
These days we meet once a week (usually on weekends) to discuss the minutiae of our daily life. The show revolves around my many faux pas and clumsy eff-ups, and Bernice’s problems with social conventions and keeping her big mouth shut.
On this rare and honest reality radio show, styled in the genre of Seinfeld and Curb Your Enthusiasm, we unkindly express annoyance with other people’s behaviour and are self-deprecatingly honest about our many inadequacies. This results in awkward and cringe situations. From time to time we are joined by like-minded guests who also lack the ‘boundary’ gene (which protects by maintaining and enforcing boundaries).
Click through to www.damonkalvari.co.za for past shows and more information.
Thanks for reading this far. Hope you can join in on our reality.
Facebook: Damon Kalvari
Oz joins Damon and Bernice to discuss his challenges with lobola and teach the mlungus a bit about hip hop. Then Damon rediscovers his hip hop roots and sings to his ‘bitch’ Bernice. Why does Bernice tear down signage which irritates her?
Damon’s mother visits for spaghetti bolognaise the day before her 85th birthday and they discuss the current family feud. Seems like she has seen the light! Oy vey. Bernice is worried this discussion is going to start the feud up again.
Bernice is still smoking, and she shares her psychotic sleepwalking symptoms, which includes running around the bedroom screaming.
Damon is devastated that Bernice has taken up smoking over the past two weeks, she claims this bad habit was re-ignited by him eating her stash of pistachio nuts. It has not abated since her mother’s visit to Johannesburg. After his stint emceeing Sexpo Damon boasts a strange sex stories but seems to have improved his technique, in braaing meat.
Why did an incinerated potato in the microwave cause Bernice to have a meltdown? Damon discusses how IBS is ruining Bernice’s life. Bernice remembers attending family therapy in her twenties. Bernice encourages Damon to improve his sexual technique while he is emcee’ing SA Sexpo.
Who is the disgruntled ‘who gives a f*ck about Rosh Hashana’ rabbi who has gone viral? Our friend Yael admits to visualising couples having sex when she meets them for the first time. Why have the Kalvaris dumped Damon and Bernice for the high holidays?